I was dying.  My heart and soul that is.  I couldn’t breathe.  I felt lost in a world that whirled around me.  If I didn’t make some changes soon I knew I would be gone.  It was now or never…I had to find the key to unlock my imprisoned spirit, she was crying out to me for help!  My first hint was when I landed in my doctor’s office with heart palpitations..  I rode the treadmill, performed all the cardiac stress tests and did everything they told me to do.  In the end, he looked at me and simply said, “It’s stress”.  Yep, as simple as that, stress.  I knew in that moment my life had to change.  I was killing myself, and for what?  Running around like a chicken to make sure everyone was happy, everyone but me that is.  I wanted everyone to like me and see what a hero I was, but “appearing” to be the hero nearly killed me.

I woke up.  And then the work began….

Written in my journal 2 years ago, in reference to the day my life changed, 10 years ago.


10 thoughts on “Hero

  1. Being nice all the time only serves to build an anger inside ourselves because we end up being taken for granted. The one word to learn and repeat to ourselves without guilt is…”NO”. Remember dear one to ‘run in the corn fields’ when you need to. :o)

    • So true, oh wise Raven. When I stopped constantly serving to please I became happier, thus affecting happiness in my environment and those around me. A much brighter place to live:) And….I always have my spirit feathers while running in the corn fields!

  2. Wow!!! Amazing, Cin!! Thank you for sharing this. As the saying goes, “You’ve come a long way baby!!” I’m soooo proud to have you as my sister. I love all your blogs. Keep them coming… Love, Mary

  3. Oh Cindy,

    What a beautiful expression of your truth that you were experiencing from your journal.
    This is wonderful sharing. I am sure it will help others recognize what they may be going through and awaken to it’s truth!
    You have such healing gifts Cindy!
    You are such a shining light of love!

    Stress shows us so much about what is happening within our lives that needs changing.

    Stress taught me my life and brought me to where I am today. To a peaceful, loving place.
    And I couldnt’ have reached this place if I didn’t do my inner soul work.
    It was very difficult but well worth the adventure!

    • And what a beautiful shining light you are Maria! I so much agree that ALL difficulties are well worth the adventure….it’s the trials that allow our light to shine even more! Much love to you dear friend…as always:)

  4. Haven’t we all had this moment or a moment like it. Mine was in 2003. And the beauty of it was that I don’t ever want to feel that way again. I put my health before everything and everyone else. Whenever I feel stressed now, which is rare, I know that nothing is more important than the calm that is it depleting. Cyn thanks again for another great post.

  5. I can relate to your post. I used to be a control freak, believing that nobody could do things as well as I could. Today I allow others to do their own thing and focus on taking care of me. If I don’t take care of myself who will?

  6. So true, Barbara. The learning is in the letting go. Self care is so important. We do a disservice to others if we constantly jump in and do for them. Healthier for all involved to step back, nurture self, and allow room for others to learn and grow.

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