Good Grief

“People are like stained – glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. ”  ~ Elisabeth Kubler Ross

How perfect.  I’m writing this on a rainy day.  A day where the sun is hiding but will show her smiling face again, after she has had her rest, after she has allowed herself to regenerate.  Much like times in our own lives when we need to feel feelings of sadness, grief, or just plain exhaustion from life.  Your body, spirit and mind (conscious and unconscious) will give you signals when you need to go into the quiet and experience all that you are feeling.  If we don’t pay attention to these signals it will come back to bite us harder down the road.  Deal with it NOW and your path will be paved for a brighter future.

I had a recent meeting with a client whose son passed tragically just weeks ago.  None of us can really know her pain.  Excruciating doesn’t even begin to cut it, in my opinion.  We were discussing the stages of grief, as created by Elisabeth Kubler Ross…denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.  My client asked where she should be in her grieving.  The only “right” in grieving is that you allow yourself to experience it.  Pushing aside and pretending it didn’t happen won’t help you or loved ones in your life.  This includes many types of losses in your life;  a job, a relationship, moving from your home, traumatic experiences that have attempted to steal a piece of your being, the list continues.  You must jump into the abyss of darkness to emerge with a lighter heart.  Running away from what you must feel only accumulates a dust cloud that will keep you blinded from yourself.  As I told my client, everyone grieves differently, most important is that you grieve.  One may be in the stage of anger longer than depression.  Some people go out of order in the stages and mix it up, while others stay right on target.  Some people grieve for months, some for years.  Your grieving process is your own, the main thing is that you allow it!  I do recommend that as you grieve, and your wounds are open, you seek the help of a professional counselor to guide and support you.  If you choose not to go that route, keep those you trust with your feelings close.  Those that will listen and JUST BE there for you.  One who will hold your hand through your tears.  And remember, if the tears don’t come, that’s okay too.  They will eventually IF you allow the hurts to emerge.  Surround yourself with those you feel safe.  Healing will come.

Keep your light from within.  Allow the rain to clear the dust, allow love to hold you as you work through your pains, the sun will shine again.

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4 thoughts on “Good Grief

  1. What a beautiful post today Cindy on grief!

    Your clients are so blessed to have such a beautiful heart and light to assist with their healing.

    As I read your post, my heart went out to you client who lost their son tragically.

    Grief is so very painful.
    And is such a difficult process to get through.

    Thank you for this post Cindy as it is filled with such heart and truth!
    xoxoxo

  2. That was an poignant and powerful post. My heart goes out to the woman who experienced such a tragic loss. As usual I found your insight on an inevitable human passage(grief) to be full of wisdom and humanity. I’ve had some dark hours but never grief of that magnitude. I always surmised that at some point degrees cease to matter. Like being scalded in ten thousand degrees of grief isn’t much different than eight thousand degrees. At some point the significant difference must be the existence of hope or the lack of it. Your advice to keep friends close to you is invaluable and I pray that woman has the strength and courage to allow a healing into her life. May take a long time but it can happen. My best to her and to you Cindy.

  3. Kevin, I can’t express enough how much I love having you in our circle of thoughts on my blog. I so much agree with you, that at some point degrees don’t matter. Everyone’s grief is significant, and their own. Pain is pain, and when one hurts it cuts in so many different ways. “At some point the significant difference must be hope or the lack of it.” You are so right on, my friend! Where there is hope, there is always that pinpoint of light at the end of the tunnel. One just has to remember to remember that when they are in the throws of darkness. This too shall pass….

    And now….I must write a post on a sweet someone very dear to all of us….:)

    Have a beauteous day!:)

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