Reeling, Feeling, and Healing

 

Notice the signs…

Grieving and loss have been thick in the air lately. At least it has been in my therapy room. The big question clients have been asking me is, “How long do I have to endure this pain?” After sitting in silence and allowing the energy to settle in, I review what I have witnessed in the grieving process.

The first stage is Reeling. After the shock of loss settles in, we begin to stagger and stumble, not quite knowing where to grab on to life. Feeling lost, we reach for stability but nothing feels like it did before. We begin to wonder if we’ll ever feel sane again, happy again, and just plain want to live again. We may even feel guilty for having those thoughts, and yet, the pain overpowers the guilt.  Life as we knew it is gone, with no light in sight.

And then we begin to Feel. Reality of the loss drops in and we realize we’ll never have the old back. As we work through our feelings between the tears, anger, confusion, and bewilderment, a shadow of acceptance begins to crack through the tunnel. We begin to see the light, and then the roller coaster comes winding around again. One minute we feel like life is returning to our normal, and the next minute, the pain hits like a ton of bricks again. It is at this point that I remind my clients that the roller coaster ride is part of the process of grieving. We continue to work through those feelings until the span of peace is longer than the span of unrest. In time, as we work through all emotions the reality of what is now becomes the new normal. This doesn’t mean the loss is forgotten. It simply means the loss is accepted.

Once acceptance has calmed the roller coaster, we move into the healing stage. It is here we begin to have a new relationship with the loss. If it is a loved one who has passed, we may begin to connect with them on a spiritual level. I know when I lost my dad the reeling and feeling stages were excruciating for me. It wasn’t until the healing stage that I began to relate to him through energy, signs, and dimes. Yes, he leaves me dimes. I have a client who knows it’s her mother saying hello every time she sees a cardinal fly by. Another client’s rose-bush blooms in the middle of winter. It was his wife’s favorite part of their garden. A friend of mine sees her father with every butterfly that persistently follows her. Open your heart and notice these signals from your loved ones. They are full of love and light in their world and they want you to feel happiness in yours.

There are many different types of losses that happen in our lives besides losing a loved one who passes through the veil. We experience loss with employment, relationships, money, homes, pets, health, the list goes on. Everyone’s experience and length of time in the stages is different. It took me two years before I came to acceptance of my father’s passing. I was reeling for about six months, just trying to find my footing. And then I was painfully feeling for about a year and a half. It was a day of enlightenment when the light finally broke through the tunnel. I felt joy in the realization I didn’t have to pick up the phone to talk to him anymore, I could talk to him any second, any time of the day. He wasn’t only with me in human form, he was with me and around me always. And we were one. That’s the day my spirit crossed the veil with a new understanding of our spiritual connection. Way beyond this world. Way beyond our intellect. A beautiful dimension extension.

For those of you staggering through this process of grief, doing your best to catch your breath, I ask you to trust not only the grieving process but the spiritual awakening that is inside of all of us. There is so much more to us than these shells we habitate while here on earth. When we stop reeling and move through our feelings, it is our spiritual expansion that delivers the healing. It is then that we realize what we thought was lost never left our side.

Surrounded by Love

 

The Miracle of Friendship

Soul Sisters; Kelley, me, Jenn, Lauren, and Marjie.

 

Some friendships last forever. This has proven to be true with a certain group of women I met on the campus of Ithaca College some 35 years ago now. You know it’s a lasting bond when you don’t see someone for 20 years and you pick up like you just saw them yesterday. The same banter, same jokes, same smiles. The same soul connections. Only now there are miles of experiences to share; happy times, sad times, encased with a plethora of bumps and bursts along the road of life.

It’s this road that brought the five of us back together this past summer. Our Jennifer tragically lost her dear husband, Ron, this past February. One day it held the sweetness of Valentine’s Day and the next day he was gone. I attended the beautiful service for Ron, complete with a room full of love and ending with a heartfelt Henry David Thoreau quote. The same quote that is the main quote in my book. A sweet validation that our souls are always connected in this world and beyond.

After the service, Cindy (another soul sister of mine and friend of Jennifer’s) and I walked to the club reserved for all of us to gather. Interesting how a loss makes you notice beauty in the world more. We were commenting how beautifully the trees were lining the lawns of Buffalo’s most prestigious historical homes. Life becomes a bit surreal when we face losing it. I ran into Jenn in the privacy of the coat room, which was good because after not seeing her for 15 years we needed the comfort of a cocoon. She to melt into me, and me to be strong for her. I held her on my lap for a few minutes while she wept. Feeling our sister friendship that never faded. I still remember so clearly Jenn’s words pressing through her tears as we hugged, “I was hoping you’d come.” It was never a question for me.

Soon after, Lauren contacted me suggesting the five of us gather at either her cottage or mine in support of Jenn. I happily offered my place, and after a few emails with Marjie, Kelley, and Lauren, the summer weekend was arranged. I can’t quite describe the joy I felt upon seeing each Holmes Hall girl arrive but with every welcome hug we grew into what we knew. Loving each other.

A few wineries later, we returned to the cottage for more laughs, delectable delights, and reminiscent chatter.  Intermittently holding the sadness between us to allow Jenn her grieving space. Always holding her in the silence interspersed with tears.  We agreed that this must be an ongoing theme in our lives, to reunite every year or two.

Funny how the most tragic of events can breathe rays of sunshine into life. One thing I know for sure, this girlfriend bond that began back in 1979 will never be broken. The magic of love between our connected souls will forever hold the truth of our inexplicable, extraordinary existence. The miracle of friendship.

Me and Jenn enjoying beach time at her place this past summer.

Shifting Sands

Amazing how life can shift in just three short weeks.  From expectant loss, to tragic loss, to new birth.  Below are three short paragraphs describing the gamut of emotions I experienced during the month of July, 2013.  Just like that, life can change and bring you excruciating sadness turning to joy and light.  The sands settled on my heart and opened a whole new world for my eyes to see.  Never forgetting the light that remains, and simultaneously, opening my heart to new light.

Our dear, sweet Ollie flew into the heavens recently. We all circled around him and gave
him our last round of love ~ including Jazzy who snuggled in with us. Those of you who knew Ollie, know what a big gentle soul he was. He gave us twelve years of big love from pony rides ( when Rachel was a baby) to big bear hugs (to warm us) to majestic protector (literally coming toe to toe with black bear in our backyard). We will forever miss you, Ollie Bear, always in our hearts.

It is said, when two souls are deeply connected, and one exits this earth, the other is sure to follow. Our sweet soul, Jazzy, followed her love companion, Ollie, soon after we lost our big gentle bear. We were expecting it with Ollie, as he was ill for some time, but Jazz, it came out of the blue. Just two short weeks after losing Ollie, Jazz let us know it was time to join him. I should have known when she nuzzled him nose to nose as we circled around him to give our last round of love.  They came to us as pups twelve short years ago, and now their souls will live together forever. We miss you, my angel girl, always full of love and loyalty. Always with kindness in your heart. Always my soul connector. Fly high with Ollie and shine your angel wings around us. You are both forever in our hearts.

Well, I thought it was too soon for a little one to enter our lives after losing Jazz & Ollie, but my daughter, Rachel, was persistent and I caved. So happy that I did because little Jude has brought back that spark that diminished when Jazz & Ollie left. I feel them with us more than ever ~ in every hug, every smile, and especially when I see Luke & Jude romping together. The love continues to expand.

I suppose it’s no surprise that I’ve had so many animals come and go in my life. I grew up on a farm and my husband, Mike, is a veterinarian. We were very fortunate to be able to say goodbye to Ollie in the comfort of our home.  Our circle of love consisted of me, Mike, and our three girls, Kelley, Becca, and Rachel…and then Jazzy snuggled in.  They know, don’t they? Our animals feel more than we think they’re aware of.  Spiritually, I believe they’re much more in tune than the human race…that is, until we strip away those layers of conditional life.  I have been blessed with a plethora of animal souls streaming through my life.  There is no doubt, when I move into the spirit world, it will provide peace, love, warmth, and yes, a boatload of four-legged loves.

Christmas Love

And Peace to All Beings on Earth

Wishing you all a beautiful Christmas full of Light and Love.  May we all remember to shed kindness upon one another in the days to come, and may we cherish each moment of everyday.  Life is a precious gift.  Let us embrace it with the grace of a deer and the innocence of a child. ~Namaste~

 

Believe In Me

“Too many hearts have been broken, failing to trust what they feel…Trust isn’t something that’s spoken, and love’s never wrong when it’s real” ~Dan Fogelberg

Thank you, Dan, for the many years of love and emotion felt through your music.  I see you flying with the angels~ Peace

Click on the link below for a beautiful Dan Song…

http://youtu.be/F8E-f8938hY

The Great Ship Of Friendship

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.  “Pooh!” he whispered.  “Yes, Piglet?”  “Nothing,”  said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw.  “I just wanted to be sure of you.”  ~A.A. Milne

Isn’t it a beautiful feeling when you know you can count on someone?  If you can add on one hand those you know will be there for you, no matter what, you are blessed.  Friendship isn’t a one way street of taking, it is a back and forth motion of giving and receiving.  A feeling of warmth that is indescribable in words.  My angels not only surround me in the Spirit world,  they gather around me here on the earth plane.  How blessed are we when we find this connection, true love in all its purity.

Thank you, my friends, for providing comfort when the rest of the world dims to dark.  You keep me on my light path, soul connections  banded together, paving the way.  Wrapped in angels wings.

Bouncing my love back to you…

Sideways

“These feelings won’t go away, they’ve been knocking me sideways, I keep thinking in a moment that time will take them away…these feelings won’t go away”  ~Citizen Cope

We’ve all been there, knocked sideways with an emotional bang.  You’re moving along in life, all seems fine, and then out of nowhere comes this pain so deep it knocks you off your feet.  If you’ve loved and lost, you know this feeling buried deep down in your gut.  You know the sadness and hurt, the anger and frustration.  All emotions must be dealt with and released or the pain will continue to manifest in other areas of your life, causing you to stagnate and repeat the cycle over and over again.  In time, self-love opens the door and you set your Spirit free again.

My daughters attended The Pulse dance convention this past weekend, and what a glorious experience it was! Among many exceptional choreographers, Tyce Diorio choreographed a piece to Citizen Cope’s Sideways.  The feeling and expression he conveyed took the lyrics and music to a whole new level.  Every movement held its own statement, allowing each dancer to reveal their personal release.   When we express our emotions through movement our body and soul tell the story, as our hearts live the tale.  It is an amazingly cathartic and beautiful way to feel every emotion.

May I suggest you click on the link below, close your eyes and FEEL what comes to you through the music.  Move to it, feel it, breathe it, BE it.  I’ve loved this song for some time now but to see it expressed through dance added a whole new dimension.  My heart swelled.  This is my favorite version of Sideways, Citizen Cope with Santana.  Enjoy your flow….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fpKncoeF3g

Peace Begins Within

“Peace starts within each one of us.  When we have inner peace we can be at peace with those around us.” ~Dalai Lama

A dear friend of mine sent me this quote from the Dalai Lama the other day.  We were talking about how holiday time can be stressful for many families as it brings up a multitude of emotions. There are numerous expectations set around the holidays; the “supposed to’s”  of who gathers where, who’s getting along with whom, and the comfort level of the family dynamics.

When we take the time to go inward, and tap into our own peaceful place, the world around us appears to settle quietly, like the early morning snow on a sturdy spruce.  True peace can only be felt when our hearts open to loving ourselves and those around us.  I learned this lesson of love from my Father early on in my life.  There were certainly many times he could have thrown his arms up in frustration with his eight kids, and walked away, but he never did.  Instead, he chose a peaceful stance, never judged, and waited.  He might not have agreed with our choices, but he chose to stand by with a quiet strength.  Of course there were trials and difficulties, just imagine growing up with five brothers and two sisters in the 60’s and 70’s, but my parents always backed each other up when it came to dealing with all of us.  And in the end….Love Stood.

Below is a photo of my parents that has been floating around my family this holiday season.  This is where it all began…. and then there were ten!

Wishing you all love and peace in your hearts today and always.  When we get caught up in the illusion of what it is we’re dealing with, remember, peace is only a heartbeat away….

Walking Through Illusion with Betsy Otter Thompson

To listen to my Help, Hope & Healing interview with Betsy Otter Thompson, simply go to the category, AM-WWLZ820 Talk Radio and click on the link, “Walking Through Illusion with Betsy Otter Thompson”.  A beautiful and inspiring book, as we all learn to love ourselves more through the teachings and examples of Jesus.

Namaste and have yourself a salubrious day!

Walking Through Illusion

Join me on Help, Hope & Healing, WWLZ820am Talk Radio, Saturday, Dec. 4th, 12-1pm EST. My guest will be Betsy Otter Thompson, author of Walking Through Illusion. Betsy will be walking us through her own journey as she explored her writings through Jesus, as well as  her personal inner transformations. This is an insightful, heartfelt account of how Jesus may have responded, and demonstrated his unwavering love, to all that knew him.  As always, calls are welcome during the show at 607-732-4820 or 1-866-732-4820. Hope to hear from you so we may help you heal…Peace

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Walking though Illusion is a series of stories about biblical people who either knew Jesus or knew of him, and were influenced by him in one way or another. It is more of an emotional accounting than a historical accounting and posits how the characters might have felt about Jesus, how they might have reacted to his choices, and how they might have grown from doing so. Walking through Illusion is not about Christianity; it is about people who lived long before Christianity began. The message appeals to people of any faith who seek a better understanding of their own spirituality.

The concept, walking through illusion, refers to the idea that we come here in our bodies to experience matter (or that which is temporary) to recognize what was real (or that which is felt). The book suggests that action/reaction, cause and effect, or whatever you want to call the pulling of energy back to itself, is a force that runs our lives. And since this force can be used in whatever way we direct it, we have the power to create a better life through it.

Next week,  my guest will be Craig Hamilton, author of Broken Open, a beautiful, honest & remarkable memoir about his amazing journey and survival with his diagnosis of bipolar disorder.  Craig is an ABC broadcaster in Australia and will be calling us from “down under” to enlighten all of us on managing bipolar disorder and living life to the fullest!

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